Monday, May 16, 2011

Where have I been?

I realized that I intentionally or unintentionally took a month off of blogging.  My best explanation...the verse from everything there is a season.  Apparently, the writer left out...a time to blog and a time to do face to face ministry, a time to learn and a time to teach, a time to dream and pray and a time to see dreams and prayers answered.

Honestly, after two weeks, I began beating myself up for not writing any blogs.  I was feeling bad for not persevering, not forcing myself to do what God has called me to.  I was beating myself up for not making time for my blog, whether God was speaking to me or not.  I mean, what kind of Christian blogger am I if I don't do a single message about Holy Week or Easter?  A message about Mother's Day?  A message about the weekend our church saw nine people give their life to Christ?  God didn't give me anything to say, but why didn't I have the tenacity to knuckle down and work regardless?  Maybe I don't have what it takes to do what God has called me to?  Has the voice of the enemy been right about me all along?

When I seriously asked myself that last question, I realized it was time to step back and re-evaluate.  God didn't call me to necessarily be a "blogger", though I do believe He called me to start one.  God called me to be His servant, to go where He goes, to do as He leads me, to love Him and those around me, to listen for His voice and submit and obey when He speaks.  He didn't call me to write so many blogs a month.  He called me to blog about things He wants me to speak out to the world.  When He speaks, I write.  When He doesn't speak, I don't write.  Simple as that.

Then, taking another step back, I realized that the things I was filling my time with were indeed things He was currently speaking to me about.  I started studying how to be a better speaker.  I started reading books about how to plan my future ministry.  I started researching how best to try to get my book published.

Even moreso, He gave me people to minister to directly.  He gave me eight people to discuss salvation and baptism with, seven of whom went ahead and got baptized.  He gave me hurting people to speak with and love on.  He gave me opportunities to grow as a wife, a mother, a sister and a friend.  He gave me opportunities to speak about God's truths with those who are far from Him.

The verses from Ecclesiastes 3 reads,

There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

    a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
    a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
    a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
   a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
   a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

As I learned over the past month, and as I suspect I will need to remind myself of often, all I am is God's servant.  He gives me tasks to complete, but my identity is not that task.  I'm not a blogger.  I'm not a musician.  I'm not a youth worker.  I'm a servant of Christ.  That's it.  What He says, I do.  Since there is a season for all activities, I need to find my identity in the one thing that is always in season, Jesus Christ.

So, I may blog tomorrow.  Or I may not.  But the one thing that is for certain...tomorrow, and always, I will do my best to serve the Lord.

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