As most my readers know, I am a voracious reader of Christian books. I read theology books, Christian self-help books (which is an oxymoron, but that's for another post), Christian living...really, any good biblically based Christian teaching, I scarf down like a kid in a candy store.
There is one genre of Christian books that frustrate me almost every time I read one. And while there have been many advances in this genre of Christian literature, there are still topics and notions spouted forth in them that are more than cringeworthy, they are psychologically damaging.
I'm talking about Christian marriage books.
Now, before you write me off as one of those "women's lib" types who rejects the whole idea of male headship in a Christian household, let me assure you, that is not me. I totally agree with the idea that the man should be head of the household. While I reject most of the differences our culture ascribes to the sexes, there are a handful of differences that our Creator gave us that nothing but severe hormonal dysfunctions or abuse can alter.
I do believe there is a part of every female, whether a stay at home mom with 18 children or a CEO of a fortune 500 company, that wants to know, "Am I lovely?" and "Am I worth pursuing and protecting?". I believe there is a need inside of each man for competition, perhaps competition to the death, that can manifest itself in hunting, sports, climbing the corporate ladder or some other form of one-upmanship. I believe there is wisdom in Ephesians 5:33, that men need to love their wives and wives need to respect their husbands.
It's not so much the relationship advice that bothers me, though there still are some books so filled with imaginary stereotypes that I wonder if the author has ever talked to any woman other than his wife, but instead my frustration boils up from the advice on sexual relationships.
Most books I've read on the subject, whether they dance around the topic or are gruesomely open, boil the advice down to two points: 1). Women, let your husband have sex with you whenever he wants, and 2). Men, quit looking at pictures of naked women. They all come from the position that all men are insatiable horn dogs who will implode if their wife does let them use her as a sex toy every 48-72 hours and that women really just need to be told they are pretty and if they never had sex ever again, they'd be fine with that. Seldom is any other situation discussed, and when it is, such as the one book that addressed when the wife has more sex drive than the husband, the advice is often off the wall and often damaging (this particular book said that if the woman wants more sex than the man, it is obviously because she is dominating him and if she would just be more submissive, he would have sex with her more often...REALLY???).
So, you all, my loyal blog readers, are fortunately or unfortunately, going to be subjected to a series of rants on Christians and sex. There needs to be another voice out there. I don't know if this problem has been caused by all male pastors having written the literature out there or if there are certain imaginary stereotypes that we as Christians want to cling to, but it's time to look at these issues closer.
There is one genre of Christian books that frustrate me almost every time I read one. And while there have been many advances in this genre of Christian literature, there are still topics and notions spouted forth in them that are more than cringeworthy, they are psychologically damaging.
I'm talking about Christian marriage books.
Now, before you write me off as one of those "women's lib" types who rejects the whole idea of male headship in a Christian household, let me assure you, that is not me. I totally agree with the idea that the man should be head of the household. While I reject most of the differences our culture ascribes to the sexes, there are a handful of differences that our Creator gave us that nothing but severe hormonal dysfunctions or abuse can alter.
I do believe there is a part of every female, whether a stay at home mom with 18 children or a CEO of a fortune 500 company, that wants to know, "Am I lovely?" and "Am I worth pursuing and protecting?". I believe there is a need inside of each man for competition, perhaps competition to the death, that can manifest itself in hunting, sports, climbing the corporate ladder or some other form of one-upmanship. I believe there is wisdom in Ephesians 5:33, that men need to love their wives and wives need to respect their husbands.
It's not so much the relationship advice that bothers me, though there still are some books so filled with imaginary stereotypes that I wonder if the author has ever talked to any woman other than his wife, but instead my frustration boils up from the advice on sexual relationships.
Most books I've read on the subject, whether they dance around the topic or are gruesomely open, boil the advice down to two points: 1). Women, let your husband have sex with you whenever he wants, and 2). Men, quit looking at pictures of naked women. They all come from the position that all men are insatiable horn dogs who will implode if their wife does let them use her as a sex toy every 48-72 hours and that women really just need to be told they are pretty and if they never had sex ever again, they'd be fine with that. Seldom is any other situation discussed, and when it is, such as the one book that addressed when the wife has more sex drive than the husband, the advice is often off the wall and often damaging (this particular book said that if the woman wants more sex than the man, it is obviously because she is dominating him and if she would just be more submissive, he would have sex with her more often...REALLY???).
So, you all, my loyal blog readers, are fortunately or unfortunately, going to be subjected to a series of rants on Christians and sex. There needs to be another voice out there. I don't know if this problem has been caused by all male pastors having written the literature out there or if there are certain imaginary stereotypes that we as Christians want to cling to, but it's time to look at these issues closer.
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