If you open up a book on Christian marriage and the first chapter doesn't read, "Get yourself a good Christian counselor or pastor to meet with you and your spouse before reading any further," then throw the book in the garbage, and just go and find a good Christian counselor or pastor to meet with you.
I know, that is kind of harsh. But the truth that often gets ignored in the self-help book realm is that there is no one-size-fits-all solution. It's not that those books aren't of value, but we are all screwed up in our own crazy, damaged, ugly way, and without someone to give us one on one perspective, the one-size-fits-all solution ends up fitting no one. Especially when it comes to sex.
While our culture is becoming more and more sexualized, it is still absolutely taboo to talk about our sexual hang-ups in the open. And we all have sexual hang-ups. As open as much of the Christian literature and some Christian churches are becoming when it comes to what goes on in the bedroom, the lips are still zipped when it comes to our dysfunctions. It is time to quit thinking we are the only ones that are screwed up in the head when it comes to sex!
One sexual dysfunction that some churches are beginning to acknowledge is pornography. It's almost becoming trendy for some hip, cool, young pastor to stand up on stage and admit to having looked at pictures of naked women and tell men they need to shine the Light on this sinful addiction and let the power of Jesus deliver them from these shackles.
That's great. I'm glad it is getting acknowledged. And in fact, my own pastor has spoke on it a number of times and every time he does, I'm encouraged that something so toxic, but so close to the souls of so many is being torn open and rummaged through. The problem is, even if men are able to conquer the sin, there is seldom ever any mention of what to do with the left over rubble from the problem, mainly because few admit to there being any residual damage.
MEN...IF YOU HAVE LOOKED AT PORN, YOU HAVE SEXUALLY ABUSED YOURSELF. IF YOU HAVE LOOKED AT PORN FOR 20 YEARS, YES, YOU HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED FOR 20 YEARS. YOU HAVE SEXUAL HANG-UPS AS A RESULT, JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE WHO HAS BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED. AND YOU WILL NEVER LIVE IN TRUE FREEDOM UNTIL THOSE HANG-UPS ARE ADDRESSED.
Another dysfunction that is beginning to be addressed is body image, particularly for women. It is safe to talk about this dysfunction as long as we do so in the context of Psalm 139 and how God made us beautiful even if we don't feel like it, or if we talk about it in the context of being addicted to food and how we should replace that craving with the craving for God (though if most women are honest, the motivation for this is more to be skinny than to be closer to God), but as soon as we address the sexual dysfunction that often comes with body image, BOOM, silence fills the room.
WOMEN...IF YOU CONSTANTLY FOCUS ON THE AESTHETICS OF YOUR BODY, IF YOU OBSESS OVER EVERY POUND AND EVERY INCH, IF YOU SPEND HOURS A DAY MAKING YOURSELF PRESENTABLE, IF YOU CONSTANTLY WORRY ABOUT WHO FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE, YOU ARE SEXUALLY ABUSING YOURSELF. SEX IS THE JOINING OF TWO BODIES THAT ALLOWS TWO SOULS TO JOIN IN A WAY THAT ONLY MAN AND WIFE SHOULD EXPERIENCE. IF YOU ARE ABUSING THE BODY YOU USE TO ACHIEVE THIS SPIRITUAL JOINING WITH YOUR HUSBAND, YOU WILL CONTINUE TO HAVE SEXUAL HANG-UPS.
There is so much to discuss on the topic of sexual hang-ups, I could go on for pages and pages. I haven't even discussed the effects of molestation, rape, early sexualization, fetishes, or any of the myriad of things that cause sexual issues. The bottom line is, we all have sexual hang-ups, even the "healthiest" of us. One of Satan's favorite tools to steal us away from Christ is perverting our sexuality. We all have some sort of weirdness that affects our ability to have the kind of sex God intended for us to have. And until we admit to having those issues and we decide to tackle the source of the issue and deal with the aftermath and clean-up, we will continue to let Satan weave his way between us and our spouse, and us and God.
I know, that is kind of harsh. But the truth that often gets ignored in the self-help book realm is that there is no one-size-fits-all solution. It's not that those books aren't of value, but we are all screwed up in our own crazy, damaged, ugly way, and without someone to give us one on one perspective, the one-size-fits-all solution ends up fitting no one. Especially when it comes to sex.
While our culture is becoming more and more sexualized, it is still absolutely taboo to talk about our sexual hang-ups in the open. And we all have sexual hang-ups. As open as much of the Christian literature and some Christian churches are becoming when it comes to what goes on in the bedroom, the lips are still zipped when it comes to our dysfunctions. It is time to quit thinking we are the only ones that are screwed up in the head when it comes to sex!
One sexual dysfunction that some churches are beginning to acknowledge is pornography. It's almost becoming trendy for some hip, cool, young pastor to stand up on stage and admit to having looked at pictures of naked women and tell men they need to shine the Light on this sinful addiction and let the power of Jesus deliver them from these shackles.
That's great. I'm glad it is getting acknowledged. And in fact, my own pastor has spoke on it a number of times and every time he does, I'm encouraged that something so toxic, but so close to the souls of so many is being torn open and rummaged through. The problem is, even if men are able to conquer the sin, there is seldom ever any mention of what to do with the left over rubble from the problem, mainly because few admit to there being any residual damage.
MEN...IF YOU HAVE LOOKED AT PORN, YOU HAVE SEXUALLY ABUSED YOURSELF. IF YOU HAVE LOOKED AT PORN FOR 20 YEARS, YES, YOU HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED FOR 20 YEARS. YOU HAVE SEXUAL HANG-UPS AS A RESULT, JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE WHO HAS BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED. AND YOU WILL NEVER LIVE IN TRUE FREEDOM UNTIL THOSE HANG-UPS ARE ADDRESSED.
Another dysfunction that is beginning to be addressed is body image, particularly for women. It is safe to talk about this dysfunction as long as we do so in the context of Psalm 139 and how God made us beautiful even if we don't feel like it, or if we talk about it in the context of being addicted to food and how we should replace that craving with the craving for God (though if most women are honest, the motivation for this is more to be skinny than to be closer to God), but as soon as we address the sexual dysfunction that often comes with body image, BOOM, silence fills the room.
WOMEN...IF YOU CONSTANTLY FOCUS ON THE AESTHETICS OF YOUR BODY, IF YOU OBSESS OVER EVERY POUND AND EVERY INCH, IF YOU SPEND HOURS A DAY MAKING YOURSELF PRESENTABLE, IF YOU CONSTANTLY WORRY ABOUT WHO FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE, YOU ARE SEXUALLY ABUSING YOURSELF. SEX IS THE JOINING OF TWO BODIES THAT ALLOWS TWO SOULS TO JOIN IN A WAY THAT ONLY MAN AND WIFE SHOULD EXPERIENCE. IF YOU ARE ABUSING THE BODY YOU USE TO ACHIEVE THIS SPIRITUAL JOINING WITH YOUR HUSBAND, YOU WILL CONTINUE TO HAVE SEXUAL HANG-UPS.
There is so much to discuss on the topic of sexual hang-ups, I could go on for pages and pages. I haven't even discussed the effects of molestation, rape, early sexualization, fetishes, or any of the myriad of things that cause sexual issues. The bottom line is, we all have sexual hang-ups, even the "healthiest" of us. One of Satan's favorite tools to steal us away from Christ is perverting our sexuality. We all have some sort of weirdness that affects our ability to have the kind of sex God intended for us to have. And until we admit to having those issues and we decide to tackle the source of the issue and deal with the aftermath and clean-up, we will continue to let Satan weave his way between us and our spouse, and us and God.
No comments:
Post a Comment