Thursday, July 26, 2012

Musician vs. Worshipper

The first morning here, I lost my voice. Not completely, but enough that you'd have trouble distinguishing me from a middle aged woman sitting at a bar, smoking the last cigarette out of pack number three for the day.

That's bad enough, but to add insult to injury, Joe and I were the worship leaders for the week.

God has used this situation, though, to show me the difference between a musician and a worshipper and He has done an amazing transformation inside of me this week.

The first day I was mortified. Not only am I someone who has a trained voice and have sung professionally, but when I did music for weddings, my specialty was singing outdoors (there is no need to mic me, my voice carries forever). Joe and I carried on as best we could, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. But I was for sure it was just temporary, and planned to sing again the next day.

The next day, again, I had no voice. It made me frustrated and it started making me mess up musically. Then I really got frustrated. After two days of this, though, I finally cried out to God in prayer. I was mad. I felt humiliated. I felt like a piece of my identity was ripped from me. I was confused. I felt like a failure and that everyone was judging me and were jus as frustrated and annoyed with me as I was.

That is when God spoke to me. He told me I would be completely justified feeling that way if He made me to be a musician. But He didn't. He made me to be a worshipper. And this was His way of throwing me into the deep end, with no floaties and no life jacket. In other words, if He stripped away my voice and took my musical talent from me, would I not only still worship Him, but still be willing to lay down my pose and lead worship.

This morning I did that. I realized that I'm not leading music, I'm leading worship. I'm not facilitating and encouraging people to make better music, I'm facilitating and encouraging people to let loose and worship Almighty God with abandon. And so this morning, I accepted my voice as God gave it to me and worshipped right in front of everyone, both my church family and people from the other church I don't know.

God doesn't care about our perceptions of what good music may be. But He does care about us having a heart of worship and leading others to that place. Practicing and perfect musical execution are not nearly as important as our hearts when we lead.

So, I'm a worshipper, not a musician. Churches shouldn't be about better music, but better worship. Truth be told, there are so few people in a church that will know when you make a musical mistake, that it isn't a huge deal. But people will realize immediately when you aren't worshipping.

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